in need of my Beloved

well, i haven't posted in awhile, and it seems there's a lull in other posts, so i figured i'd get my write on.
having 2 kids is BUSY i can't even imagine the day when i'll have more than 2 to watch and look after. most of the time i'm carrying nathanael around in my arms WHILE feeding him his bottle, getting kennedi onto the potty and off or helping her get a snack, or anything else for that matter. needless to say i'm POOPED most days. my husband is amazing and loves helping when he gets home, however at the same time, even when he's home a mother always carries most of the weight of responsibility of the kids just because that's the way we're made, even if he's doing all the busy work when he gets home.
I've struggled back and forth in my heart of spending time with the Lord alone by myself for ANY period of time at all. and actually, i've tried multiple different times to have zeal to do it and read the word every morning, but sleep most always gets the best of me and wins the battle. i just need accountability. you see, i'm a big "emotional decision maker" i get zeal about something based on an emotion i feel at the time and make big plans to do those every day like "ok, i'm going to do it, get up at 6, read a chapter in the OT then a chapter in the NT" "that's easy" then i do it for a week and it just slowly fades out. I HATE THIS about my tendencies, but there's gotta be a way to do it.
So tonight, after a LONG day with both kids, napping them at rach's house, playing in the pool with them, doing laundry the entire time i was there, etc. i was TIRED. ben and i sat down to eat leftovers and i said "babe, i just need some time with the Lord! i need Him. I can deal with tired physically and just push through, but my heart is dead and that means i can't do it physically either now" with that said, and both of us agreeing that we both need to start exercising. i am going to have accountability through him. we're going to wake up 3 times a week together, exercise together then he'll get ready for the PR while i go to the living room and spend time with the Lord. the other mornings we'll both get up at the same time and have breakfast together and then i'll spend time with the Lord while he gets ready. i'm hoping that this works.
i am needing a lifestyle change because i want to be a reflection of christ through the day and feel his love and love Him well in return and the only way to become is to behold. Lord give us all grace this week to find the secret place to dwell in with You.

Bekah