I know tomorrow is the actual day, but I've been really thinking about mothers today. I was talking with Ben yesterday just feeling the pleasure of the Lord over moms in our community. We have such a significant role. In our nation right now there is rarely found a mother who is godly in her ways and her thinking and has her heart alive before Jesus. We have the grace and the ability in this type of community to get excellent biblical teaching, a place of prayer that is open to us 24 hrs a day and husbands who live a lifestyle of prayer and support us in our beliefs towards how we raise our kids. I am just so proud of you all. We have the opportunity to serve day by day night by night even on the days where we wake up and just think "i just don't feel like being a mother today, don't feel like serving, etc." we do it anyways because that is what we've been created for for this very time in history. We have the privilege of raising up our kids to be holy and righteous before the Lord and many children in our nation right now have no input from any type of adult who holds the same value for life that we do. So, tomorrow as you wake, accept the "happy mother's day" with humility in your heart and joy to know that it is true, we are truly happy mothers and are rightfully celebrated on this day because the Lord has pleasure in us and what we do and looks at us with pride and joy. I love you ladies and you all inspire me as a mom and your kids are joys and delights!
Love you ladies. Enjoy the celebration of you and celebrate your moms who sowed years, just as we are now, into you even if it was just the smallest amounts, they did all they knew to do at the time to bring you to the place you are today, whether they're saved or unsaved.
Bekah
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
play date
hey beautiful ladies..
just in case you didn't get my email...
we're doing a playdate at rach's house at 11-12:30pm tomorrow (thursday).
hope to see you guys.
just in case you didn't get my email...
we're doing a playdate at rach's house at 11-12:30pm tomorrow (thursday).
hope to see you guys.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
HOLD THE PHONE!
We are thanking Jesus for His unmatchable kindness and generosity towards us today!
Um... I'm just going to get straight to the point and say... WE GOT THE HOUSE WE WANTED!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, so you know how we got approved for less than the desirable amount and were having to look elsewhere? Well, we asked our Realtor, the brilliant Esther Greaves, if it would be stupid to put a REALLY low offer on the house we wanted. We had been approved for $125,000, so making an offer of that amount on a house originally listed at $175,000 is pretty laughable.
However, Esther said it wasn't stupid and that she would contact the sellers to see what they would be willing to do. Meanwhile, we searched for houses in the area that fell into our price-range, but we came away disheartened. Many of them were nice, but the problem still existed that nearly every house we looked at had the same amount of square footage as our current house (not ideal when you want to adopt a bunch of kids), and would require a whole lot of money to fix up.
Then we got the phone call from Esther. The sellers were willing to sell the house to us for $130,000 as-is if we would cover the closing costs! Evidently they had raised their kids in that house and really wanted to sell it to a family. They had poured their blood, sweat and tears into that house for a long time, and hated the thought of selling it to investors! The fact that we were a young growing family wanting to do the same with the house won their hearts.
So yesterday, we put a contract on the house, giving them 24 hours to decide before the offer would expire. At 2pm today, we got the text: THEY ACCEPTED OUR OFFER!!! We are blown away! We are hoping to close either on or before May 25th, but we just found out that we have to be out of our house the second week in May, which means we need about $4000 to cover closing costs, and a plan as to where we are going to stay before we can move into the house!
If any of you have any suggestions as to what we can do for a temporary living situation, we'd be more than open to hearing options. My in-laws live with us, so we need to figure something out for all of us.
It's a whirlwind, but we are so thankful and know the Lord is carrying us through this whole process. I don't know what to do with myself right now!
Carrie
p.s. if any of you have any extra medium to large size cardboard boxes for packing, I would LOVE to take them off your hands!:)
Um... I'm just going to get straight to the point and say... WE GOT THE HOUSE WE WANTED!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, so you know how we got approved for less than the desirable amount and were having to look elsewhere? Well, we asked our Realtor, the brilliant Esther Greaves, if it would be stupid to put a REALLY low offer on the house we wanted. We had been approved for $125,000, so making an offer of that amount on a house originally listed at $175,000 is pretty laughable.
However, Esther said it wasn't stupid and that she would contact the sellers to see what they would be willing to do. Meanwhile, we searched for houses in the area that fell into our price-range, but we came away disheartened. Many of them were nice, but the problem still existed that nearly every house we looked at had the same amount of square footage as our current house (not ideal when you want to adopt a bunch of kids), and would require a whole lot of money to fix up.
Then we got the phone call from Esther. The sellers were willing to sell the house to us for $130,000 as-is if we would cover the closing costs! Evidently they had raised their kids in that house and really wanted to sell it to a family. They had poured their blood, sweat and tears into that house for a long time, and hated the thought of selling it to investors! The fact that we were a young growing family wanting to do the same with the house won their hearts.
So yesterday, we put a contract on the house, giving them 24 hours to decide before the offer would expire. At 2pm today, we got the text: THEY ACCEPTED OUR OFFER!!! We are blown away! We are hoping to close either on or before May 25th, but we just found out that we have to be out of our house the second week in May, which means we need about $4000 to cover closing costs, and a plan as to where we are going to stay before we can move into the house!
If any of you have any suggestions as to what we can do for a temporary living situation, we'd be more than open to hearing options. My in-laws live with us, so we need to figure something out for all of us.
It's a whirlwind, but we are so thankful and know the Lord is carrying us through this whole process. I don't know what to do with myself right now!
Carrie
p.s. if any of you have any extra medium to large size cardboard boxes for packing, I would LOVE to take them off your hands!:)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
She Dumped Us
Well, we have both really good news and really sad news. First off, we finally heard from our lender yesterday afternoon. The Good News: We have been pre-approved for a loan! We're so thankful because this is something we would never have received apart from the grace of God.
The Sad News: because of the shortage in income for the past couple of months, we were not approved for the amount of the house we want. Rather than being approved for a $127,000 loan with a $20,000 down payment, we were only approved for a $125,000 loan.
The feeling is bitter-sweet. We are overjoyed at the thought that we somehow secured a loan without a co-signer. There are so many houses for sale in Grandview right now, that I am sure we will have no shortage of options. However, our momentary sentiments are that of someone who has just had the girl of their dreams break up with them. *Shrug* It will pass and there are always more "fish in the sea" so to speak, but every house we have looked at so far in the new price-range feels more like being on the rebound. The hard part now is finding a house with enough square-footage for the vision in our heart.
Yes, we are going to attempt the impossible and make a REALLY low offer on the house we originally wanted, but the fact that the seller initially listed it at $175,000 makes us an unlikely candidate for that house. We are still going to try it, but have resolved that we need to keep our options open and consider a house with less drama.
I am hopeful, however, that everything will work out better. The fact that we would not be neighbors to teenage gang bangers if we chose another house is an appealing option. There seem to be a lot of nice people in that neighborhood, but there is a substantial amount of unsavory characters as well. This is something we actually just noticed yesterday. It is both a good mission field, as well as a breeding ground for trouble when you are raising small children. So we're counting our blessings.
I can sigh with relief that we finally know where we stand with the loan, though. It feels good not to have to wonder anymore. As always, I will keep y'all updated with the latest if we happen to find a house we like.
The Sad News: because of the shortage in income for the past couple of months, we were not approved for the amount of the house we want. Rather than being approved for a $127,000 loan with a $20,000 down payment, we were only approved for a $125,000 loan.
The feeling is bitter-sweet. We are overjoyed at the thought that we somehow secured a loan without a co-signer. There are so many houses for sale in Grandview right now, that I am sure we will have no shortage of options. However, our momentary sentiments are that of someone who has just had the girl of their dreams break up with them. *Shrug* It will pass and there are always more "fish in the sea" so to speak, but every house we have looked at so far in the new price-range feels more like being on the rebound. The hard part now is finding a house with enough square-footage for the vision in our heart.
Yes, we are going to attempt the impossible and make a REALLY low offer on the house we originally wanted, but the fact that the seller initially listed it at $175,000 makes us an unlikely candidate for that house. We are still going to try it, but have resolved that we need to keep our options open and consider a house with less drama.
I am hopeful, however, that everything will work out better. The fact that we would not be neighbors to teenage gang bangers if we chose another house is an appealing option. There seem to be a lot of nice people in that neighborhood, but there is a substantial amount of unsavory characters as well. This is something we actually just noticed yesterday. It is both a good mission field, as well as a breeding ground for trouble when you are raising small children. So we're counting our blessings.
I can sigh with relief that we finally know where we stand with the loan, though. It feels good not to have to wonder anymore. As always, I will keep y'all updated with the latest if we happen to find a house we like.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Get On Your Knees and Fight Like a Man
To preface this post, I am completely delirious, which explains the ripped off title from Petra's long lost worst rock ballad of all time. My daughter was up from 9:00pm until 6:30am this morning, crying her brains out for one reason or another. I blame big prescription companies for that... as well as her third course of antibiotics to treat the same ear infection she's had for the last couple of months now. Most likely her tummy was outraged at the new meds. It just always feels better to blame prescription companies for almost anything, so that's what I do.
Oddly enough, I'm writing to give ya'll an update and prayer request for the latest situation with our house. Lots of ups and downs have happened since the last time I posted, but I'll spare you all of those. The short of it is that we are very close to getting pre-approved for the loan. I say that with no exclamation point because it seems as though each time we get excited about the good news, there's always something that overrides it, driving us to our knees. We're learning sobriety in our asking these days.
Our current prayer need is for everything to clear in regard to our income. We received the call from our lender just tonight that our credit, down payment, and income is approved for the loan. The last hurdle is that all of the information we have given the lender has to be researched and verified as true on all accounts. Of course we were honest and we told the lender all the numbers of what we make each month and year, but now he just has to go over all of the bank statements and W-2's to confirm. The only fly in the ointment is that we have had several supporters unable to send money for the last couple of months, which probably doesn't look so good. We are hoping this does not cause any problems since the has all the information confirming annual income.
Again, the short of it is that we just need favor for everything to look perfect. IF in fact we have no problem areas on the documents we submitted, we will be pre-approved for $127,000 with a down payment of $20,000, which adds up exactly to the listed price of the house we want. All of that to say, we could be placing an offer on our house in the next day or two, depending on how long it takes to review our income. We're excited and terrified all at the same time, because if the lender doesn't see the numbers adding up the way he wants, it will all be negated.
The moral of the story? PLEASE PRAY! We just found out two days ago that our current house will be put on the market on May 5th, and though it probably won't sell very fast, we need to get out of this house asap. Not only is it no longer healthy to be living here with mold and dust, but ATC crunch time has started, and we're asking you to agree with us in prayer that we would be able to get into the new house before June (yes, I'm aware of the fact that this would be a miracle). Once the summer hits, Zack will have no time to do any moving, and I will have very little time as well.
"Oooooh-OH we're half way there! Oooooh-OH livin' on a PRAYER!"
ha ha ha- Bon Jovi is now stuck in your head.
Soli deo gloria.
Oddly enough, I'm writing to give ya'll an update and prayer request for the latest situation with our house. Lots of ups and downs have happened since the last time I posted, but I'll spare you all of those. The short of it is that we are very close to getting pre-approved for the loan. I say that with no exclamation point because it seems as though each time we get excited about the good news, there's always something that overrides it, driving us to our knees. We're learning sobriety in our asking these days.
Our current prayer need is for everything to clear in regard to our income. We received the call from our lender just tonight that our credit, down payment, and income is approved for the loan. The last hurdle is that all of the information we have given the lender has to be researched and verified as true on all accounts. Of course we were honest and we told the lender all the numbers of what we make each month and year, but now he just has to go over all of the bank statements and W-2's to confirm. The only fly in the ointment is that we have had several supporters unable to send money for the last couple of months, which probably doesn't look so good. We are hoping this does not cause any problems since the has all the information confirming annual income.
Again, the short of it is that we just need favor for everything to look perfect. IF in fact we have no problem areas on the documents we submitted, we will be pre-approved for $127,000 with a down payment of $20,000, which adds up exactly to the listed price of the house we want. All of that to say, we could be placing an offer on our house in the next day or two, depending on how long it takes to review our income. We're excited and terrified all at the same time, because if the lender doesn't see the numbers adding up the way he wants, it will all be negated.
The moral of the story? PLEASE PRAY! We just found out two days ago that our current house will be put on the market on May 5th, and though it probably won't sell very fast, we need to get out of this house asap. Not only is it no longer healthy to be living here with mold and dust, but ATC crunch time has started, and we're asking you to agree with us in prayer that we would be able to get into the new house before June (yes, I'm aware of the fact that this would be a miracle). Once the summer hits, Zack will have no time to do any moving, and I will have very little time as well.
"Oooooh-OH we're half way there! Oooooh-OH livin' on a PRAYER!"
ha ha ha- Bon Jovi is now stuck in your head.
Soli deo gloria.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
in need of my Beloved
well, i haven't posted in awhile, and it seems there's a lull in other posts, so i figured i'd get my write on.
having 2 kids is BUSY i can't even imagine the day when i'll have more than 2 to watch and look after. most of the time i'm carrying nathanael around in my arms WHILE feeding him his bottle, getting kennedi onto the potty and off or helping her get a snack, or anything else for that matter. needless to say i'm POOPED most days. my husband is amazing and loves helping when he gets home, however at the same time, even when he's home a mother always carries most of the weight of responsibility of the kids just because that's the way we're made, even if he's doing all the busy work when he gets home.
I've struggled back and forth in my heart of spending time with the Lord alone by myself for ANY period of time at all. and actually, i've tried multiple different times to have zeal to do it and read the word every morning, but sleep most always gets the best of me and wins the battle. i just need accountability. you see, i'm a big "emotional decision maker" i get zeal about something based on an emotion i feel at the time and make big plans to do those every day like "ok, i'm going to do it, get up at 6, read a chapter in the OT then a chapter in the NT" "that's easy" then i do it for a week and it just slowly fades out. I HATE THIS about my tendencies, but there's gotta be a way to do it.
So tonight, after a LONG day with both kids, napping them at rach's house, playing in the pool with them, doing laundry the entire time i was there, etc. i was TIRED. ben and i sat down to eat leftovers and i said "babe, i just need some time with the Lord! i need Him. I can deal with tired physically and just push through, but my heart is dead and that means i can't do it physically either now" with that said, and both of us agreeing that we both need to start exercising. i am going to have accountability through him. we're going to wake up 3 times a week together, exercise together then he'll get ready for the PR while i go to the living room and spend time with the Lord. the other mornings we'll both get up at the same time and have breakfast together and then i'll spend time with the Lord while he gets ready. i'm hoping that this works.
i am needing a lifestyle change because i want to be a reflection of christ through the day and feel his love and love Him well in return and the only way to become is to behold. Lord give us all grace this week to find the secret place to dwell in with You.
Bekah
having 2 kids is BUSY i can't even imagine the day when i'll have more than 2 to watch and look after. most of the time i'm carrying nathanael around in my arms WHILE feeding him his bottle, getting kennedi onto the potty and off or helping her get a snack, or anything else for that matter. needless to say i'm POOPED most days. my husband is amazing and loves helping when he gets home, however at the same time, even when he's home a mother always carries most of the weight of responsibility of the kids just because that's the way we're made, even if he's doing all the busy work when he gets home.
I've struggled back and forth in my heart of spending time with the Lord alone by myself for ANY period of time at all. and actually, i've tried multiple different times to have zeal to do it and read the word every morning, but sleep most always gets the best of me and wins the battle. i just need accountability. you see, i'm a big "emotional decision maker" i get zeal about something based on an emotion i feel at the time and make big plans to do those every day like "ok, i'm going to do it, get up at 6, read a chapter in the OT then a chapter in the NT" "that's easy" then i do it for a week and it just slowly fades out. I HATE THIS about my tendencies, but there's gotta be a way to do it.
So tonight, after a LONG day with both kids, napping them at rach's house, playing in the pool with them, doing laundry the entire time i was there, etc. i was TIRED. ben and i sat down to eat leftovers and i said "babe, i just need some time with the Lord! i need Him. I can deal with tired physically and just push through, but my heart is dead and that means i can't do it physically either now" with that said, and both of us agreeing that we both need to start exercising. i am going to have accountability through him. we're going to wake up 3 times a week together, exercise together then he'll get ready for the PR while i go to the living room and spend time with the Lord. the other mornings we'll both get up at the same time and have breakfast together and then i'll spend time with the Lord while he gets ready. i'm hoping that this works.
i am needing a lifestyle change because i want to be a reflection of christ through the day and feel his love and love Him well in return and the only way to become is to behold. Lord give us all grace this week to find the secret place to dwell in with You.
Bekah
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I am a Mom :-)
Ladies, I wrote this the other night after I had put Gabriel to bed. I wanted to share this with you all. This is me being very vulnerable in my challenges as a Mother. Hope you enjoy... sorry it's kind of long
I feel like the fog over my life is finally starting to lift. It has been a crazy last year really. I never knew what being pregnant and having a baby would do to my life. I feel like for a while I just didn’t really know what to do other than just function… live. It was day after day…get as much sleep as possible, change diapers , maybe eat if I remembered, clean the house, and do the laundry. If I am truly honest, I was depressed and felt like my life had no hope. I didn’t know how to live life… everything seemed so hard. All my fantasies of what life was going to be like were quickly shattered. Why? I couldn’t DO anything anymore. All the things that I thought I was so good that made me who I was, I couldn’t do anymore. I was stuck. STUCK. There was nothing I could do at this point for me to earn love anymore. No one to see me to tell me I was doing a good job and how well I was loving Jesus anymore. The baby didn’t have the power to communicate how well I was doing. I was stuck. Not only that, but I wasn’t in the same intimate place that I had been with Cory. Oh it was so hard at first. I felt like we had to figure out how to be married again. How did we communicate, how did we get quality time together now? How did we encounter God together again? Those times on the platform together… how sweet they were. I loved prophesying with Cory! I loved feeling the Lord’s heart over us together, weeping together. Getting amazing revelation in the Word, together. Now that the baby was here, Cory got to go to the prayer room… spend this intimate time with other people…even harder, other women, and me… well I got to stay at home and take care of a baby all by myself. I had no idea what I was doing or even what to do. I felt like a baby learning to walk. It felt so unnatural. It was like I had to make my legs move. They wouldn’t do it on their own. They were too weak.
Gabriel was precious. He was so gracious and patient with me. He just loved me through every trial, every mistake, every tear. Always loyal, always faithful to give me a big smile, even while the tears were rolling down my face. I thought that being a Mom was going to be so easy. I felt in shock of the reality of the way things were. I was going to keep singing, preaching, leading, and have a baby…all at the same time. I was not going to be like the other Moms’ I had seen who just disappeared off the face of the earth once their baby came. No siree! I was going to be SUPER MOM! I was strong, passionate, and SOO in love with Jesus. I had made up my mind, and this was how it was going to be. I knew it. Life was going to be perfect. We were going to be the perfect little family, and everyone was going to wish they were us. Boy, was I ever wrong.
I remember nothing went the way I had planned and prayed from the moment I went into labor. I had believed with all my heart, and prayed countless hours for my labor. It wasn’t what I had expected at all. It was HARD. Some women say that they just want to die… I didn’t want to die, I just wanted it all to stop. It was the first time I felt like I wasn’t in control. Before then I had been able to dictate almost every area of my life. Now, I was just on the train of pain, and there were no stops or breaks, nope, I had to stay on til’ it was all finished.
After 19 hours of the worst pain I have ever experienced, and some stitches down below, Gabriel was in my arms, nursing, happy. Everything seemed to be going well, but I was bothered inside. Where were the overflowing emotions of love for my baby I had heard numerous mothers talk about? I didn’t feel anything, but sheer exhaustion. I remember feeling relieved that Gabriel was out, but besides that I just felt awkward. What did we do now with this baby?
Cory was such a champ! He was born to be a Dad! From day one it was as if he knew everything Gabriel needed. Really, it seemed that Cory had more maternal instincts than I! I was glad that at least one of us felt some kind of confidence.
That week was the week straight from hell. Seriously. I experienced emotions I have NEVER felt before. I was so depressed that I didn’t know how to live. I remember asking my Mom what was wrong with me. At first, since I have never been depressed a day in my life before then, I thought that I must be so tired. Then I finally realized that I was depressed. On top of all those emotions my breasts were not cooperating with me. I got some very intense breast infections. Wow, talk about painful. The little sleep I could have gotten was interrupted by chills from high fevers and intense episodes of shaking. It is no fun to try and breast feed while you are shaking, freezing, sweating, and your baby is screaming. Thank you Jesus that you got me through that first couple weeks! So, after going through all the emotions of feeling shame, and condemnation that I was a horrible mother… we decided to go with formula. I felt like somehow I had to start enjoying my baby, and maybe this was my lifeline.
Life did get so much easier for me once we switched Gabriel over. Cory could help me feed him, and we could double team a lot more. I needed Cory, so badly at this time. Even now as I think back it makes me cry. He was such a good support to me. He was never once negative or short with me. I was so hard to deal with I’m sure, but he never let on to that. He loved me so well. He prayed with me when I would wake up with night sweats, reliving the trauma of the birth. He would speak truth over me every time I would start to feel like there was no hope.
Every day, every minute, was a fight. There was a real enemy, not to mention a ton of hormones, to fight everyday. I finally realized that most of my depression was closely related to the fact that I though Jesus had abandoned me when I needed him the most. I thought he had forsaken me while I was going through labor. Had he ignored every prayer I had prayed? Had he left me out alone to do it on my own?
Once I got this revelation I could start getting hope and freedom. I will never forget the night my freedom began. Cory and I were listening to the webstream, and our team began to sing Psalm 23. They started literally prophesying over me. That He never left me, He will never leave me. I was balling on the floor. Cory was just speaking truth over me. I began to sing the truth over myself. “You will never leave me, You will never forsake me”. Later we went to the first awakening meeting at FSM. Thank the Lord that I had these to run to!
The next couple of weeks were a slow, but sure victory over depression and oppression. The enemy was out to get me for sure. He was determined to take the gift of motherhood from me! Which brings me to now. Gabriel is 4 ½ months old. The other morning I was in the shower (don’t get to take those very often ;-)), and really asking the Lord some questions. I was about to go to a meeting with a group of people that meant a whole lot to me, and new that now because I am a Mom that we were not going to be able to run together the way we had been. My heart was sad, and I wanted to go into our last meeting together knowing how my Father felt about where I was, and what I was doing. He spoke to me so clearly. “ Anna, the enemy is trying to steel motherhood from you.” As I looked back on the months prior, I realized all the different things that had really been the enemy trying to steal from me the gift of motherhood. I couldn’t believe it! I was so mad at the devil! Then the Holy Spirit went on to tell me that I have to get this mom thing. It’s way bigger than even Gabriel, but I am to be a Mother to many! I have to give myself to this season of motherhood with everything in me. I have to learn to be like Jesus, serving and loving, when no one is looking. This is so imperative to my calling.
When the HS spoke this to me, it was like a light bulb went on in a dark room. I got this zeal inside of me to be a Mother, and to not let the enemy steal this from me! My prayers were fueled to ask for more and more love for my child, and to be taught how to be a good Mom.
Now, I feel my heart overflowing. Even right now I’m crying. I am so in love with my little boy. He is the joy of my heart. His little smiles and bright little eyes cause my heart to erupt with emotion! How wise it was of the Lord to send me such a gift. You see, Gabriel doesn’t just need me… I have needed him. He is my gift to teach me how to love, serve, and so much more. He has brought more joy into my home than could ever be contained inside of the biggest buildings in the world. I will be a Mom, and with the grace of God working in me, I will be a darn good one! Yes, I am stilled called to be a prophetic singer, teacher, and so on, but my calling has expanded and been promoted to that of a Mother too. Oh that I would be able to be the Mother God intended me to be, and that I would carry that heart for many in the years to come.
So, yes, I feel the fog lifting, and excitement/zeal/and love arising in my heart. Oh the possibilities before me! Oh the adventures, and stories that are awaiting me! I am a Mother, and this will not be stolen from me!!! ~Anna
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